Instructors

Playing a sport with your spouse or significant other sounds like a great idea: fresh air, shared time, maybe a little friendly competition. And sometimes it is exactly that. Other times… it’s eye rolls, tension, and a quiet drive home.

 

The difference between walking off the court smiling or silently fuming usually isn’t skill level. It’s attitude.

 

Here’s how to make sure playing together brings you closer instead of testing the relationship.

 

Remember Why You’re There

 

You didn’t step on the court to audition for a pro tour or prove who’s better. You’re there to move your body, laugh a little, and spend time together. The moment “winning” becomes more important than “us,” the vibe shifts—and not in a good way.

 

If you wouldn’t talk to a close friend or stranger a certain way on the court, don’t talk to your partner that way either.

 

Control the Non-Verbal Stuff

 

Words matter, but body language matters more.

• Don’t roll your eyes

• Don’t sigh dramatically

• Don’t throw your hands up in frustration

• Don’t pout after a missed shot

 

Even if you don’t say anything, your partner feels it. Those small reactions can sting way more than an outright comment, especially when they already know they made a mistake.

 

Don’t State the Obvious

 

Resist the urge to say things like:

• “That was too high.”

• “You were late.”

• “You should’ve moved up.”

• “You had that.”

 

They already know. Pointing it out doesn’t help—it just adds pressure and embarrassment. Unless your partner asks for feedback, keep coaching mode turned off.

 

Be Their Teammate, Not Their Critic

 

If you’re playing doubles together, you’re on the same side. Act like it.

 

Celebrate their good shots. Encourage them after mistakes. A simple “Nice try” or “You’ve got the next one” goes a long way. Being supportive doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect—it means choosing connection over correction.

 

Check Your Tone

 

Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

 

“Hey, next one” feels very different from “Come on, focus.”

“Shake it off” lands better than “You keep doing that.”

 

Keep your tone light, calm, and kind—even when you’re competitive. Especially then.

 

Know When to Laugh

 

Missed shots, awkward plays, total whiffs—it happens to everyone. Laughing together diffuses tension fast and reminds you both that this is supposed to be fun. If you can laugh at yourselves, you’re already winning.

 

Save the Analysis for Later (or Never)

 

Post-game breakdowns can be dangerous territory. If the session ended well, don’t ruin it by dissecting mistakes on the way home. And if it didn’t go well, give it time. Not every game needs a debrief.

 

Sometimes the best move is ice cream, a drink, or changing the subject entirely.

 

End on a Good Note

 

No matter how the game went, leave the court with kindness. A smile, a hug, a “Thanks for playing with me” goes further than you think. The goal isn’t a perfect match—it’s a good memory.